Dear G: Week 9

Dear G,

It has been a little over 2 months since your birth. You have changed and grown so much since then. We went to the doctors the other day and you weighed almost 11 pounds! My heart broke a tad because you were once only 5. You prove every day to be my biggest blessing. I never knew I could love waking up to someone screaming for “food” every morning so much. Your dark curly hair seems to be growing thicker; thank goodness because we do not want any bald spots. Don’t worry, I’ll love you even if you do get them. Lol.

This past week has been insane. You are starting to “talk” more and more. Your little personality is really starting to show. I cannot get enough of your big gummy smile. You are going to be a big talker and the center of attention. You speak up and make sure your voice is heard if you feel like we aren’t giving you that much attention. We have discovered that you really like laying on your play yard and aren’t really a big fan of your swing. There is this one song that really gets you going when it comes on. I have tried to listen to see which lullaby it is but I can’t quite figure it out.

This last month flew by. I can hardly believe it. This is a time when I realize how badly I need to focus on the now and live in the moment. I have found myself dwelling on the past or stressing about the future. That lead to many weeks flying by and me not truly enjoying you. I have been  really hard on myself here lately. I ask myself why in the world did I do this to you? Was I selfish to bring you into this world when I knew the situation wouldn’t be “ideal.” I feel terrible to think that maybe one day you will feel like you are missing out. This is when I realize I need to focus on the now and take one step at a time. Just know as long as you have me, I will do my best to give you the world and more.

Life has been a little difficult for your Mommy lately. School is kicking my butt and people are just too much. However, you honestly make every bad day worth living. It’s like you know when I have a lot to do or am stressed out. You have your way of being sort of a difficult Nugget on those days but we make it through them. As frustrated as I may get when I accomplish everything and you fall asleep smiling in my arms, I feel at peace and laugh at the struggle. You being difficult on those days I believe is your way of showing me how strong I am and how I can accomplish anything despite the obstacles.

I really do not understand how people can see you growing so quickly and still not want to be a part of this experience. I ask you every day if you know how much I love you. I explain to you how it’s indescribable, you laugh. I could kiss you 100million times (I’m sure I have already) and it still would not be enough. I find myself just staring at you because I have never seen someone so perfect. You are as sweet as candy and I love candy. It baffles me how I truly created the most beautiful human.

Everyone says I am spoiling you. Your Granddad will walk by and see you laying on my chest and whisper “you are spoiling her.” Honestly, I do not care too much. I love cuddling you and girl you love to be cuddled. I have gotten better at putting you in your bed though. You sleep through the night for the most part these days. However, I do let you cuddle up next to me from 4am-10am, I figure that isn’t too bad. Lol. I may regret that decision in a few years when I cannot get you out of my bed but for now who cares. We both enjoy it so what does it matter.

I am not sure what the future holds for us baby girl. I look forward to all the trips and adventures we are going to take. Halloween is my favorite holiday, so I am excited to partake in spooky activities with you. You won’t remember them but I will and can’t wait to tell you about them.

You are my world. I didn’t think I’d ever be a sappy mom, much less a mom. BUT I talk about you non-stop. I haven’t stopped taking pictures of you since you were born. Your photo album collection will be insane.

To many more months with you G.

Mommy loves you.

Xoxo.