This weekend made me do a lot of reminiscing. I sat and talked to friends about how much can truly change in a year. It is always around the holidays or important events throughout the year that make me sit and reflect on the growth that I have experienced. Last year, I would have NEVER in a million years thought this is where I would be in my life. If you were to tell me last year that I would be expecting my first child I would have laughed hysterically because I never ever wanted children.
Last year, I was out being a Turn up Tina every Thursday and basically any other day of the week that I saw fit. I made it my goal last year to hang up my hooter shorts and I finally did around this time. I was completely and totally in love with a guy and stressing about getting things for our first place together. I was just enjoying my carefree life. I thought I was making power moves.
This year it's a lot different. I spend my days trying to stop myself from crying over baby pants and diapers because I can't get over how someone's butt can be that small. I got a "big girl" job and stopped serving all together. While I thought that guy had taught me what love truly was I found it doesn't compare to the unconditional love that I have for my child. Lastly, Tina is retired and just a distant memory.
Thinking about the last year brings me back to thinking about the changes that I have experienced in the last month. One of my prompts for my June Challenge (that I failed at) was to write about three life lessons or changes that you experienced over the course of the last month. June was a month of a lot of overcoming and learning. With that being said, I really want to reflect on the things that I learned.
1. Always trust your gut. Your instincts never ever lie. This is something that I wish I would have taken more seriously months ago. I could have saved myself a lot of pain and tears if I would have listened to my gut.
2. Forgiveness is not always for the other person. With the recent life events that I have experienced in the last 8 months, I have learned A LOT about forgiveness. I used to be that person to hold a grudge and would cut you off if you ever crossed me. I am learning that is only detrimental to myself and my spirit. Being angry takes way to much energy and more than likely the other person does not care. Sometimes you have to forgive people who truly aren't sorry. I know I will probably never receive an apology for all the hurt and pain that I have gone through and that's okay. I am choosing to forgive for me because I know the things done/said to me does not speak about my character as a person but theirs.
3. You cannot make someone love or respect you. I have learned that you can do everything under the sun for a person and if they want they can still find something wrong with you. You can love someone more than life itself and that does not mean that will make them love you anymore or any less. You have to love and respect yourself enough to be able to point this out and know when to walk away. People are users. They will use you and take advantage of your love as long as you let them. If their heart is not in it they are not worried about feeling any hurt or pain if you walk away. They will never respect you if you constantly allow them to do whatever they want and keep letting them back in.
I know I said three but I have one more thing...
4. If your absence doesn't affect them, your presence never mattered. For me this has been a little harder to swallow. I don't see how people can walk away so easily and not be affected. This goes back to saying that people are users. Some people only engage with you because you are the one constantly making communication possible. It definitely hurts to know that someone who swore they loved you and cared for you is okay with just disappearing with no regrets.
June was an odd month for me. It was filled with a lot of hurt and disappointment but also a ton of joy and excitement. I'm getting anxious as chapters of my life start to close and I approach this new journey in my life. I sit and wonder what I did to deserve the gift of my daughter. She has changed my life drastically. She has opened my eyes to so much and without her I cannot even begin to imagine what I would be doing right now. The only thing that's guaranteed in life is change. I am learning to accept that. These last 8 months I have experienced a lot of losses but in the end I know I am gaining the biggest gift.
Last weeks blog post I reached a HUGE number of people thanks to everyone who helped me out and shared my post! I cannot believe it. I look forward to the future of my blog. As my pregnancy is coming to an end, I have been doing a lot of brainstorming about what is to come next. Thank you to everyone who has chosen to support me through this journey and providing me with the motivation I need to keep going.
Hope everyone has an amazing week and hopefully I will some of your faces at my baby shower this weekend!
xoxo,
Kaleb
This is Beautiful!!��
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