This week has been a week of many life lessons. The beginning of the past week, I felt like I was on top of the world; everything seemed so perfect and going phenomenally. That obviously was short lived well kind of.
I realized this week one of my biggest downfalls is that I put my happiness in the hands of others. I allowed myself to feel happy because the family I wanted seemed like it was actually going to happen. Like I said things were great and I had high hopes. Until I found out it was all a lie. I made the mistakes of letting love blind me. We as women fall victim of falling so deeply in love with someone despite all the red flags. We allow ourselves to fall deeply in love with people who just aren't capable of loving us the same. We fall victim to lies and deceptions. We allow people to manipulate us into trusting them because they seem to always say the right things.
Despite everything, I'm content. I feel like this was the sign that I needed that I am not wrong for giving up on my ideal "family." I felt guilty for feeling exhausted and not longer having the desire to pursue a relationship but I went against my gut and ended up getting burned. I am happy that I got burned because it allowed me to put things back into perspective. I have no more tears to cry and I feel free.
You can not control people. You can not make people respect you. You can not make people care about you. No matter how much you love, care, respect, and plea, if someone doesn't want to do something they won't. It's simple. You have to learn to care, love, and respect yourself enough to know when to walk away.
I am at a different place in my life than most my age right now. For months I have been preparing to be a mother. I've had to make numerous decisions and sacrifices in the last 8 months. I am not complaining about them or about having that responsibility because I know in the end it'll be worth it. What I am saying is that sometimes we just have to accept that some people just are not ready or capable of doing the same. Sometimes we have to step up and be strong enough to take the place for others no matter how unfair it may seem.
The importance of forgiveness is something I also learned this week. People are going to hurt you and make you angry. It is your decision to forgive them or not. I am deciding to forgive not for anyone else but for me and my child. I know that in order for me to be truly happy I can not hold grudges or have hard feelings. Forgive but never forget. We cannot change what happened in the past, all we can do is learn from it. Yeah, I could be bitter but that's only hurting me. More than likely the person you are forgiving is living happily while you sit around putting all your energy into hating them. It's not worth it and it's exhausting.
Lastly, stay far away from people who have no problem hurting you and allowing others to hurt you. That shows how much they do not love or care about you, no matter how you or they try to twist it. Know your worth and never let anyone mistreat you. If the person you love and care about is allowing others to disrespect you and do hurtful things to you, that speaks volumes.They are saying and doing things to make other people feel comfortable in doing so. They are devaluing you and leading others to believe you are less than you truly are.
Overall, this week I learned that some bridges just need to be burned and that's okay. Parenthood is far from easy. As the weeks close in, I get more and more excited about holding my babygirl. I really just want to hug her more than anything and look her in the eyes and tell her how much I love her. I feel her moving around all the time but sometimes I catch myself saying "Dang, I am really having a baby." It's still weird to think about, like I'm going to have someone calling me mom. I worry if I am ready but at the same time I can feel it in my soul that I am going to be a great mother. My daughter is my world. I know I have to make tough decisions now in order to protect her in the future. She deserves the best. In the end, I am really content with where I am in my life. I'm done forcing things with people and begging them to be there for my daughter. What's the ideal family anyways these days? Me, my daughter, and Livy sound like the perfect little family anyone would die to have.
♥️♥️♥️
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