Week 36

Time is getting closer and closer. It's crazy because I remember vividly sitting at my desk in June planning out the last few weeks. Safe to say those weeks did not go as planned but I was so worried about them dragging on forever. Though plans changed, the weeks flew by. I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing.....I cannot believe I am this far along. I never thought I'd make it this far if we are being honest.



Week 36 was a pretty great week for me. I had my last ultrasound and I got to see my little girls chunky face. She is doing really well and is head down preparing herself for labor. I am getting so anxious. Especially because now I have some people telling me that they think she is going to come early and others thinking she is going to come later. I've been having mini freak outs during my alone time thinking about actually being a mom.

Like, being a mom is a forever thing. You can't return or exchange your child when you get tired or frustrated. I will spend the rest of my life worried about someone else. Anytime I want to do something, it will be dependent on my child. That part is starting to freak me out....ALOT. I am one of those spur of the moment people. I am realizing how much of a adjustment this is going to be for me. Luckily, I am only having one baby so I do not think it will be THAT difficult to do things.

I put out my first YouTube video and it was received extremely well. I am actually shocked at how many people have reached out to me. I have received so many words of encouragement. The best part  is that I have received quite a few messages from women explaining to me part of their story and expressing how that simple video helped them feel a little better. I look forward to continuing my channel and sharing my journey through life.

I have realized that each week I have talked about a lesson that I have learned. This week, I would say the lesson that I have learned is that we are truly responsible for how miserable or great our lives are. Lately, the universe has been testing me. Through this journey however, I have learned that we choose our reactions to situations. We can either lay down and be the victim or we can stand up, smile and keep pushing. I also learned to stop asking why things are happening to you. More than likely, that is something that you will NEVER be able to figure out. Situations provide you with the chance to grow, learn, or simply put your knowledge to the test. If these things were to happen to me a few months ago, I would probably be freaking out thinking that my life is over. Do not get me wrong, I did freak out a tad. I did think my life was over for about 10 minutes. As I was sitting there freaking out however, I stopped myself and thought..."Dude, you are going to be okay. Everything is going to work out. Breathe. You can't control the situation so just let it go."

People say its weird to talk to yourself. I have found that my mini pep talks are what help me the most. Everyone talks to themselves all day everyday due to the little voice in our head but actually speaking out loud to yourself can be beneficial. When I can feel myself feeling sad, angry, or anxious, I sit myself down and voice exactly how I am feeling in that moment. I also write a lot to but sometimes writing is not enough.

This has been a LONG, STRESSFUL, MAGICAL journey. I have been crying here and there recently because I am sad that it is almost over. I worry that I still have a lot of growing and learning to do before my baby gets here. I want to ensure that I am the best mother possible for her. I know I will make mistakes along the way but I don't want those mistakes to be detrimental and would love to keep them to a minimal. Somedays I really wish that I could go back and change everything and my experience. I know that I needed this experience though. I know that this has done wonders for me as a women. It's just really weird because I have been closing small chapters but to see things coming to an end officially is quite scary. I am not going to lie and say that I am not fearful because I am. The urge to sit and fight the changes happening is unreal but I know that will not be beneficial. I've been saying bye to friends and material things that I love for the last few months now. It's been hard but I know that it will all be worth it. I look forward to what the future holds for me and my daughter. I can't wait to squeeze her and play with her little baby toes. Today in this present moment, I am grateful for this experience/journey. I am grateful to have such amazing people in my life and who will be apart of my daughters life. Learning to trust in the universe is a hard process but I am doing it.

"Everything that is happening now is preparing you for everything that you have asked for" 

xoxo,

Kaleb