Week 30

I'm sort of having to force myself to write this right now. I told myself earlier last week that I was going to take a break from blogging but that goes against everything that I promised myself not to do. I really am that person who will be so motivated to do something but if I don't see the results I dream of seeing right away, I lose the motivation. I'm not making a millions by blogging and my audience is still pretty small. That is a little discouraging to me, downfalls of my generation being used to instant gratification. I know that this line of business takes consistency, motivation, and patience. I also believe that my pregnancy is playing a role in this because I do not feel like doing ANYTHING at this point. The thought of having to do anything but lay around hurts my soul.

This past week seemed to drag on FOREVER. I could not wait for the end of the work week so I could go home and be with my family. 

The highlight of my past week was watching my little sister graduate high school. I'm still in shock about the whole ordeal. I know that I am getting older and progressing in life but Mason was never supposed to grow up. I feel like being so far away and hardly going home through my four years at school, I missed out on a lot. I look at Mason and I remember the little girl she was five years ago and sad to say she isn't that little girl anymore. The thought of her going away to college worries me to death. I see so much of myself in her and it's kind of scary. I just really hope that she's been watching me closely and has learned from the mistakes that I have made and doesn't repeat them. Even though she dislikes me majority of the time, I love her so much and I'm so proud of the little woman she is becoming. 

Going home left me feeling extremely rejuvenated. My home town feels like it is so isolated from the rest of the world. I'm not sure how to explain it. Nothing ever changes when I go home and time seems to move extremely slow. You can hear all the birds chirping, the wind blowing through the trees, and the grass is unbelievably green there for some reason. 

It was bittersweet being there. I love spending time with my family and I love the peacefulness that my home town offers. At the same time, it's extremely depressing that in a few weeks it will be my home again. It won't just be a weekend getaway to help me get my mind back together. I never saw myself moving back home and I'm so scared that I am going to get stuck there. Like I stated, nothing ever changes. While it offers me tons of positivity short term, I am nervous about the long term effects that it will have on my vibration/spirit. Being that there is nothing to do, people partake in a lot of negative or draining activities. I know I am going to have to work really hard at protecting my energy and making sure that I do not allow people to draw me into their lower frequency vibration (hippy talk, I know). 

As far as my pregnancy goes, I'm getting anxious waiting to meet my little girl. It made me really happy to see my parents/family awe over my belly and talk about how excited they are to meet her. I have felt like I have been a disappoint to them by getting pregnant so soon in life. While I love my little girl to no ends and love being pregnant, I'm still finding myself feeling embarrassed. I guess I just don't want people to think I am just like everyone else. 

I've been really tired lately and no matter how much I sleep, it isn't enough.The acid indigestion is unreal and driving me mad. I feel extremely lazy and even the easiest task are very unappealing. It's been really hot the last few days and I think the heat is doing this to me. Time is starting to slow down but I also can't believe I am almost 8 months pregnant. While I want to meet my baby to love and hold her, I'm nervous because once she's here, she's here. Overall, I've been feeling really at peace with life and everything happening. I'm no longer stressing out about what the future holds but taking things one day at a time. My baby girl is the best gift I could have ever received. I'm nervous because I know she is about to be the biggest diva but I am so excited to see her take the world by storm.