Week 23

As I am progressing into my blogs, I am unsure how I would like to start them out. I feel like saying "hello" at the beginning is very cheesy and repetitive. With that being said, I am just going to jump right into it.

This past week, I came in strong and super motivated to accept things for what they are and to remain positive. Unfortunately, that did not last too long. The past week was also filled with up and down emotions. Feelings of being alone but then wanting nothing more but to be left alone. Confusing, right? I know. SHOUTOUT TO PREGNANCY HORMONES!

I have found myself really beating myself up over everything. I get mad at myself for not working out, for eating a cookie instead of a banana, for not being responsible and bringing this poor baby into such a shitty situation, and simply for being stressed out all the time. The being stressed out thing is what I really get upset over because its not just hurting me, its hurting my baby. She never asked to be brought into this world. Whenever I get super stressed or upset I know she is feeling the same way because she starts freaking out in there. It's like she's trying to jump out and hug all my worries away. 

I am trying really hard to enjoy my pregnancy but it seems nearly impossible. When things finally seem calm and under control, something else pops up.  I have so many decisions to make and no one can help me make any of them. It sucks. Really bad. Of course people can give their own advice but at the end of the day, I have to do what I think is best for me and this precious little girl. It's hard to do because I'm absolutely clueless on what the best option is and she is about to be here!!!!!

On a brighter note, I am FINALLY putting on some weight. How many pregnant girls get excited about that? lol. I'm excited because my bump is finally starting to show a little more. I can't wait until my bump is actually a full on bump and it's no doubt that I am pregnant. Idk why I'm excited for that, I just am. Also can finally feel true kicks and not just flutters andddddddd I can see these kicks as well. I was at work when I first noticed it and seriously almost peed myself. So many emotions took over me. I was on the verge of tears while screaming "ew," all while feeling like my heart had just melted. I catch myself smiling super hard at night before I go to bed just watching or feeling her move around in there. 

 Pregnancy is a very beautiful thing but it weirds me out a little. Am I the only one who has to stopped themselves from feeling like theres an alien growing inside of them? I never saw myself getting pregnant for that reason. lol. Now that I am though, it really sucks that I am so young having her. Though she is not here yet, if I was older I definitely could see myself having another baby. The fact that I'm having her young turns me off from wanting or having any more children because I simply don't want to have to start over in ten years. I would love to give her a sibling but I feel like it's pointless unless they are relatively close in age. I guess she is just going to have to settle with Livy (my pet cat) and maybe I'll get her a dog or something in the future. 

Another great thing, I have yet to really look in the mirror and see myself as being fat or looking unattractive. I truly feel the prettiest I have ever felt in my life and feel more confident than ever.  Maybe it's because I'm pregnant and I am not to worried about if my hair is messed up or if my eyeliner is uneven. Ultimately, I know no one is really paying me too much attention as soon as they see this "bump".  

My cravings have finally started kicking in as well. I am ALWAYS craving something sweet and crunchy. I have really enjoyed eating gobstoppers because they are hard and crunch but also really sweet. I tried the ice thing, but obviously water doesn't have a flavor. Slurpees, chocolate, and ice cream are things I could not seem to get enough of this week. One day was really weird though. Every time I ate something sweet, I craved something salty right afterwards. That lead me to eating non-stop all day because I couldn't seem to get enough or satisfy that craving. 

I'm definitely the over-emotional pregnant person. I have not been giving the ideal situation and I really feel like it's starting to hit me that my dream scenario is not going to come true. I feel like I was waiting to wake up and for things to be just as picture perfect as I had invisioned them, but thats not how life works. I am in the process of accepting things for what they are and appreciating this journey. I have some really huge decisions to make in a short time frame. Sacrifices are something that I have already began having to make and I know I will continue having to for as long as I live for this little girl. I just really want to be the best mom in the world. I want to be able to give her everything that she deserves: a family, a backyard, stability, and tons of love. I just hope one day when all her friends are sitting around talking crap about their parents, she stands up for me and says how grateful she is to have me as her mother because she knows I 'll do anything in the world for her. 

Thanks for reading along. Please share this post with your friends and family. My goal is to create something for other girls to relate and so that they know they aren't alone. 

I also what to start doing more lifestyle post as well. If you have any ideas or things you would like to share please let me know!

Week 22

Hello again beautiful people! I am feeling extremely proud of myself right now for sitting and writing this. My biggest problem in life is consistency. I always say I want to do things and really mean it but I always get discouraged some way or another. BUT I am working on it.

So lets talk about my week 22.

HA! This week has been a really tough one for me. I'm not sure if it's because mercury went into retrograde or if pregnancy just has me emotional and freaking out.

The week started out really great. I was happy and feeling extremely motivated. As the days went on, it all seem to fall down hill.

I recently started a new job, that I love. Going to work seemed to be my escape from reality everyday and all I had to worry about was doing my job. Luckily, I have some amazing co-workers who have really helped me come to terms with this pregnancy and really enjoy it. Unfortunately, this week I basicallyy was being bullied and targeted due to me being pregnant......yeahh. It made work very stressful the last couple of days and I dreaded even getting up and going. On the other hand, I have some great managers and co-workers who all made me feel secure. The situation is being handled and I'm hoping that this next week, work can be my vacation away from reality again.

While I am super excited to met my daughter, I AM STRESSED OUT! It all sort of hit me that I am really having a baby and there is so much to do and I have nothing done. I am a very independent person, I like to do things myself so that I can ensure that they are done and done correctly. Well, having a baby makes being independent kind of difficult. Since I am pregnant, I am kinda of limited to the things that I can actually do physically in efforts to not hurt myself or the baby. Also, there is so much to get done that I can't do it all alone. I just want everything in order. I want the stroller here, all her clothes put away, her bed made etc. Im working on my patience because I know in due time it will all come together. It's just very difficult to handle school, work, planning a baby shower, picking out strollers, putting together a nursery, etc etc etc. There's literally so much, I have kinda said F it all and leaving it up to the universe to figure out because I can't even.

Along with freaking out about life, I have been feeling really alone. I hate that my family lives four hours away and that I don't really get to see them. It's frustrating because I really want to share this experience with them but I feel like sending text message isn't the same. Also, everyone else has there own things going on (there is a lot of us) I feel like its hard for everyone to keep up. Its just little things like being able to see her kick now and putting her room together that I wish I had someone who was just as excited.

I feel like I have painted this picture for everyone that I am this strong independent women who can handle anything life throws at her and I think that people just tend to forget about checking up on me or assume that I am okay. I hate that when I do express any of these feelings, people down play them and tell me to suck it up. Like all I wanted was a hug, not your advice. Right now, I feel like I am that kid in high school that no one seems to understand. I think its just these hormones though that have me feeling this way. Hopefully it will pass.

I know this was more of a complaining post, but I am just going to be honest in these blogs and express how I feel because well it's my blog and that's the purpose of it. While this week has been difficult, I am not going to let it get me down. I am remaining positive and optimistic but I NEED TIME TO SLOW DOWN. I feel like I have yet to really enjoy my pregnancy but I know the first step is for me to calm down and de-stress. I promise next week, I will have much more positive things to say. If anyone wants to have a spa day or something please feel free to HMU because  if you can't tell, I am in dire need. Have a magical week!

Xoxo,

Kmac

Week 21

HELLO!!! I am so excited to be writing this blog post today. I am saying good bye to 21 weeks and hello to 22 weeks pregnant! Super exciting but I am also terrified at how fast time is going by. This style of blog is basically going to re-cap my previous week. I will talk about different cravings, mood, and life in general; just to help y'all understand what to expect.

SOOOO, let's get to talking. 

This week has been pretty long for me. Week 20 was exhausting and I feel like I am still playing catch up on sleep. I was actually extremely shocked when I realized that I was heading to week 22 and not week 21. I may or may not have had a mini freak out and dropped a few tears. I really wish I would have started this blog sooner so that I could have shared all of the different emotions that I have felt throughout this pregnancy.

I feel like I just found out I was pregnant but at the same time that seems like it was so long ago. At times, I was forgetting that I was pregnant because I didn't have any symptoms and wasn't showing at all. BUT, that has changed quite a bit over the last week. I swear to you, I went to sleep one night and woke up the next morning with a bump! I had bittersweet feelings with this because I have been dying to have one but I have felt so uncomfortable throughout the week. My belly just feels weird, I know its due to the baby growing but it just feels really tight. I am at the point as well, where I can't really sleep on my stomach anymore with out it hurting. Shoot me. Along with my stomach feeling weird, this lower back pain has been NO JOKE! I know a lot of it is due to me not stretching or working out as I should. I have found that when I do small workouts or simply stretch a little it alleviates the pain. At my job, they have the huge exercise balls that we can sit on throughout our shifts. Since I have been lazy, I have made an effort to sit on this ball and either bounce or stretch for at least an hour out of my day.

My mood has been pretty steady throughout this week. I am feeling A LOT happier compared to the last few months. Things seem to finally be falling back into place for me. My life doesn't seem to be tooooo in shambles but I don't want to jinks myself. I have just been very very sleepy this week. I look forward to relaxing and getting some sleep this weekend.

Cravings. Lordy. These cravings of mine are out of this world. I have been stuck on burgers ALL week. This is really strange for me because I stopped eating red meat last year and fast food almost two years ago (except subway). Burgers have always creeped me out and I never was a fan of them growing up but I can't stop eating them. It kind of makes me feel bad that I have eaten them so frequently this week. Along with the burgers, chips and sweets are next on the list. I kind of feel like I crave it all.

This has been a great week. I think with a little more sleep, next week will be even better. I am looking forward to watching my belly grow and I am watching anxiously to see Baby KS (her nickname since she doesn't have a name yet) kick for the first time! We are painting the nursery this weekend and plan on getting her crib all together hopefully in the next week as well. Though things feel like they are coming together, I still have mini panic attacks daily because I feel like I am sooo under prepared. I know everything will be okay. Baby KS is already so loved and SPOILED!!!! I am beyond thankful to be able to share this journey and look forward to writing about it.

Feel free to contact me at kmactheg@gmail.com with any questions or concerns.  

Call me KmacTheMommy

As many of you know, I have been trying to keep up a blog for years now and haven't done such a great job at doing so. I finally figured it out, what I want to blog about and why I want to do it. I have recently announced that I was pregnant and I imagine, you already know that. I figure what is better to blog about than my journey to baby and afterwards. I want to be able to be real with you all and share the good and bad that is involved with this new lifestyle. I want to do this because 1. I felt really alone at first. I want to share my story in efforts to help other girls so that they do not feel the way I once did 2. I want to be able to have this for myself and my daughter. I keep a journal but I also want to have a successful blog. So, this is a perfect compromise. My plan for this new blog style is to post weekly and throughout the week about things I am experiencing and different thoughts that may come to mind. So long KmacTheG, hello KmacTheMommy. Stay tuned!

Feel free to send me any questions or concerns to my email kmactheg@gmail.com or simply DM or message me on any social media site @KmacTheG. Be sure to follow me on those sites to stay completely up to date on my journey!