Dear G: Week 2

Dear G,

Today is August 12 aka your due date. I had been anticipating this day for the last nine months. I had it written in all my calendars and planners in big bright letters. Today was going to be the best day of my life. It’s crazy how things work out though. I’ve been able to hold you and kiss you for two weeks now. While today was supposed to be the start of our journey, I can’t say that I am mad you came a little early. These last two weeks have been the best two weeks of my life. Despite the exhaustion, mid-night frustrations, and poopy diapers seeing your gummy smile makes my days’ worth living.

I am so grateful that you choose me to be your mom. Though I am still learning and kind of clueless what I am doing, part of me feels like I have been doing this mom thing my entire life. These last two weeks I have had my moments when I have wanted to cry in the middle of the night. There have been some days that I may miss being able to just run into the store and run right back out and I get jealous of everyone who gets to sleep through the entire night. All it takes is for me to look at you to realize that I wouldn’t change any of this for the world.

People keep “checking” on me and say things about how hard mom life must be. I am kind of confused because it has not been that bad. To be honest, I was quite scared bringing you home. I had no idea how I was going to take care of you. I didn’t know what I was going to do if you started crying and I was home alone.  I was anticipating this adjustment to be hell but as I have said it has been easy going.  I’m trying to figure out if you are a really good baby or if the worst is yet to come.

I look forward to the day that you can tell me you love me back. I get slightly (jk extremely) excited when you wake up sometimes. You waking up means I have an excuse to hold you, give you tons of kisses, and tell you I love a million times before you fall back asleep. You are already my little mini and melt my heart.

Over the last two weeks, you have grown so much. You change every day and I am so happy I take photos of you because it’s insane how fast it is happening. I look back at pictures from your birthday and cry every time because you were so so so tiny. I realize now why people have multiple children. You have picked up a wide array of facial expressions. You smile every time we finish a nursing session and it makes your mama feel amazing. We also slept for 7 hours straight the other day! You must have known that I desperately needed that rest.

I am excited to say that you are two weeks old and have already been to four different cities across Virginia. That is just the start to our adventures that we will be taking across the world.

This week, I have realized how important it is for me to put my “emotions” aside for the betterment of your future. I want nothing but the best for you G. I don’t want you growing up around a bunch of negativity or arguments. I want you to live a joyous life. I know arguments happen naturally but they can be constructive. I have noticed how much I have grown but I still see so much more room for improvement. Forgiveness and letting go are the two things that I need to work on desperately. I am sort of at a standstill on those two things because I am not quite sure how to forgive and let go of something I am so emotionally attached to or feel strongly about. I know that for us to prosper in life and to not remain stagnant that is something that I’m going to have to figure out ASAP.

You are my number one priority. Every decision I make I think about you first, even down to what I am eating. I want to protect you at all cost and I never want you to experience the pain and hurt that I have through life. I sometimes wish you and I could fall off the face of the Earth and live happily. I say that because I know no matter how hard I try to protect you; you will get hurt one day. It saddens me. My goal is for you to know that you can come to me for anything. Mama will always be here to pick you up G. We will be okay.  

I love you Baby G. I am excited to see what Week 3 will bring for us.

Xoxo,

Your Mommy

SN: I am not quite sure what the future holds for my blog. I had so many ideas when I was pregnant about how I wanted to expand my blog and other social platforms. Right now, I am kind of at a “blah” moment in my life. I feel as though I have lost my motivation and drive. Part of me wants to take a break from everything but I also don’t know if that would be beneficial. I feel as though I got wrapped up in being pregnant. I believe that I associated myself with my previous life situation too much and I am struggling to get back in touch with who I am as a person and what I want out of life. I still want to share my journey through motherhood but I guess I am trying to figure out the best way to do that now. With all that being said, if there are any topics or things that you would like me to talk about PLEASE let me know! Help me find my mojo again!