So lets talk about my week 22.
HA! This week has been a really tough one for me. I'm not sure if it's because mercury went into retrograde or if pregnancy just has me emotional and freaking out.
The week started out really great. I was happy and feeling extremely motivated. As the days went on, it all seem to fall down hill.
I recently started a new job, that I love. Going to work seemed to be my escape from reality everyday and all I had to worry about was doing my job. Luckily, I have some amazing co-workers who have really helped me come to terms with this pregnancy and really enjoy it. Unfortunately, this week I basicallyy was being bullied and targeted due to me being pregnant......yeahh. It made work very stressful the last couple of days and I dreaded even getting up and going. On the other hand, I have some great managers and co-workers who all made me feel secure. The situation is being handled and I'm hoping that this next week, work can be my vacation away from reality again.
While I am super excited to met my daughter, I AM STRESSED OUT! It all sort of hit me that I am really having a baby and there is so much to do and I have nothing done. I am a very independent person, I like to do things myself so that I can ensure that they are done and done correctly. Well, having a baby makes being independent kind of difficult. Since I am pregnant, I am kinda of limited to the things that I can actually do physically in efforts to not hurt myself or the baby. Also, there is so much to get done that I can't do it all alone. I just want everything in order. I want the stroller here, all her clothes put away, her bed made etc. Im working on my patience because I know in due time it will all come together. It's just very difficult to handle school, work, planning a baby shower, picking out strollers, putting together a nursery, etc etc etc. There's literally so much, I have kinda said F it all and leaving it up to the universe to figure out because I can't even.
Along with freaking out about life, I have been feeling really alone. I hate that my family lives four hours away and that I don't really get to see them. It's frustrating because I really want to share this experience with them but I feel like sending text message isn't the same. Also, everyone else has there own things going on (there is a lot of us) I feel like its hard for everyone to keep up. Its just little things like being able to see her kick now and putting her room together that I wish I had someone who was just as excited.
I feel like I have painted this picture for everyone that I am this strong independent women who can handle anything life throws at her and I think that people just tend to forget about checking up on me or assume that I am okay. I hate that when I do express any of these feelings, people down play them and tell me to suck it up. Like all I wanted was a hug, not your advice. Right now, I feel like I am that kid in high school that no one seems to understand. I think its just these hormones though that have me feeling this way. Hopefully it will pass.
I know this was more of a complaining post, but I am just going to be honest in these blogs and express how I feel because well it's my blog and that's the purpose of it. While this week has been difficult, I am not going to let it get me down. I am remaining positive and optimistic but I NEED TIME TO SLOW DOWN. I feel like I have yet to really enjoy my pregnancy but I know the first step is for me to calm down and de-stress. I promise next week, I will have much more positive things to say. If anyone wants to have a spa day or something please feel free to HMU because if you can't tell, I am in dire need. Have a magical week!
Xoxo,
Kmac
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