Week 25

If it were not for these blog post, I honestly don't think I would be able to keep up with how far along I am. These weeks are seriously flying by and I cannot believe how soon my baby girl will be here. While I cannot wait to meet her, I am not ready to share her with this cruel cruel world. She is so innocent and I know as soon as she arrives I will only be able to protect her but so much. TBH I really don't want to share her with the world.



Unfortunately, the last week has been pretty mundane and monotonous. Having a desk job is great  but it shows me that I cannot do this for the rest of my life. It makes life seem so boring. I literally do the same exact thing every single day and it makes me feel like a robot.

I would love to paint the pretty picture that I am positive ray of sunshine now and I have my life together but that is not the case. I had plenty of ups and downs this week, mainly all emotional (of course). I tend to really get down about the situation that I m bringing my daughter into and makes me feel terrible.

This pregnancy has been anything BUT how I pictured my first pregnancy going or my life overall. While I am grateful for this experience, it's hard to not feel sad/bad about it sometimes. If I ever had a baby I always expected a huge extravagant baby shower, but here I am googling how to throw your own baby shower for under $300. I expected to have a baby by the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I expected to be looking at houses with my husband/future husband not looking at one bedroom apartments big enough for me and a baby to live semi-comfortably. I never thought I'd have to sit and worry about whether I'd be going through labor alone because my family lives 4 hours away and may not make it in time.

While all of that is what I tend to worry about when my negative subconscious mind sneaks in, I feel my baby girl kick and she reminds me that everything will be okay. Though it isn't how I EVER would have pictured it I know that this is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I sat around and had a pity party for myself on Sunday, but Monday was awesome. I got up did my make-up really well put on a cute outfit and would you believe it..... I went on a date. I was kind of skeptical about it at first because why in the world would someone want to date me? A pregnant 21 year old? I put those negative thoughts aside and actually enjoyed myself. It was nice to have a positive flow of communication. While I'm in no way ready for any type of relationship, it was nice to just go out and not have any drama and feel like myself again. After, I got to do my first mini maternity shoot and it was a lot of fun. The photos came out really pretty and I cannot wait to share them.

I still have so many things to figure out and trust me it is very very stressful. I could continue to sit and complain about it but at this point it is what it is. I am beyond grateful for this experience because I have grown so much in the last 6-months that I hardly recognize myself in old videos. Everything happens for a reason and I'm slowly but surely seeing the reasons on why this is happening.


Have a phenomenal week and thanks for reading!

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